Everything seems to be giving me a terrible sinking feeling. I feel so guilty about every thing and like all the ill treatment I endure is because I lack mercy for others.
Being mad makes me feel sick, literally. The slightest thing makes me feel stupid. I shouldn't have told the cab driver when I worked, and when I was off. Why is it that all east Indian men think a woman talking to them is an invitation for romantic relationship?? It's so annoying not knowing why they act this way and so frustrating when I just am being 'normal' to know I over-shared and that could me a danger to my physical and social well-being.
Why is it that even that some woman have to fight me on every little thing, I know they just do it for show, just to be bitches because heaven forbid that it seem like they agree with someone as weird and stupid as me.
It ruins my whole day every time, and not just because my body is rebelling against me at every turn.
I am just too embarrassed to really admit that I am tormented constantly by the faults of my body.
Sometimes I have a really good few days with regards to my body, and I think that I'm finally normal and forget that I was suffering.
It is always that feeling that everyone is against me, everyone is talking about what a huge problem I am and how awful I am and everything, even, or especially when I do everything in my power to do what is right, I am still wrong, always wrong because of the social laws I don't understand, do not even notice.
I wish I knew why they won't be my friends, why they won't stop resisting my reasonable efforts to get along.
I am so very hopeless.