Saturday, April 21, 2012
Everything always seems so impossible
Today I could have voted, but I will still have a chance on Monday. I still feel unworthy to vote because I don't understand politics or anything that any of the people I'm supposed to vote for are talking about. I mean, I get little things, but then I talk to much smarter people, who are going to school for the subject of politics or something like that and when I say things like 'I like this person, I will vote for her because she seems nice' they really look at me like I am the dumbest person they have ever met. I mean, I am very logical. It just seems that no matter what I do, I look stupid and do everything wrong. I mean, today was busy and I had a trainee near me and when problems arose, I just haphazardly fixed them, when I should have slowed down and showed the trainee how to deal with things. I am having my 'womanly' time, it really messes with my mood and takes away all my patience. I really wish I was a more sweet gentle merciful kind of person. I mean I try, I really do, but often it takes so much more energy than telling everything straight as I see it, without hesitation of an kind. I should probably try to hesitate more often, I might be a good practice if I didn't find it so terribly annoying. I just am completely wrong, my whole self is out of place. I want to do everything perfectly, but I am so very broken, or at least very hindered by the thoroughness of inner weaknesses for impulsive ordering and stuff...sigh... I'm so sorry world.