Sunday, April 15, 2012
I don't know why I try so hard at everything. Well, not everything, usually I have a 'give up' phase before I feel guilty enough to begin trying again. I never quit for sure, and I always feel guilty for even considering giving up trying as hard as I do. I hate when I am asked to be useless to make others look better, it's disgusting, and I hate it when people argue with me when I am only trying to be get out the facts. When I don't understand something or want to explain something, I try, but people never receive me well. Most of my efforts in explaining anything are a complete waste of my time and energy and are especially frustrating when those same people claim that they weren't told about anything about the very things I was trying to tell them that they wouldn't listen to me because they believed somehow that anything I have to say is irrelevant. I am usually the only one saying anything relevant. I feel terrified that I have lost the faith of others because of my bad attitude and my anger. I only want to do what makes sense, not what is an useless plan and useless idea. I do not make any sense, but I will still try, always try try try. Just need a little bit to get my strength, and then I will go and do what I can again and again and again. I need to, it is the only way I am worth anything in any way.