Saturday, May 26, 2012

Life as I know it

It's been a week since my Grandpa funeral and all of the hoopla about that trip to Winnipeg and back.
Lucy was great, she seemed super excited to see us, or at least, have her food bowl refilled. I got some chocolates for my neighbor who apparently took care of the litter and might have even vacuumed a little or something. I honestly hadn't seen her since I gave her the keys the evening before the morning we left but even when we got back, I had to get my keys from her daughter and give the chocolates to her. I waited and waited for them to come home. I don't know where they went. I worries me that she could have handed off the responsibility to another neighbor that my mom and I don't trust. She's just a really overly trusting kind of lady, very nice, but I think she might almost be too nice. Well, I've had my keys back and my cat and the house were fine, totally and completely.

 Even though it felt really weird just trying to go back to normal. I really thought 'wow, I dodged a bullet! No ill affects from traveling at all!' Then I woke up on Monday with the worst head cold I have ever felt. I was mad, because I know all my moms coughing and sneezing on me is what has made me sick. I hate being sick, it's just so annoying. Anyways, I worked through the sickness for three whole days, as my symptoms got a little better on Wednesday only to get even worse with coughing on Thursday. Coming home that evening I decided that if I didn't get a good nights sleep, I would call in the next day(Friday). I had seen the schedule and I knew that they had more than enough people. Also, I was so sick I could barely make it home. I had to take a cab, and I really can't afford these things, but you do what you have to to survive. That night I was miserable, I don't think I slept for longer than 20 minutes at a time between the pain in my head and the pain in my chest and the struggle to breathe. Nothing seems to help, but I am a little better now.

Even though I called in early, for some strange reason, one of my supervisors called me at around noon yesterday, offering me a shift today to make up hours, if I felt up to it. At the time, I didn't(and don't) see how I could have felt well enough to work, but I did try calling again today, to see if the offer still stood.
It didn't which is OK, I am not well enough even now to work, I don't think. Not so bad as on Thursday, but still not feeling like I'm ever going to be well.
Why does every sickness make you feel like you are surely going to die, when that it probably not likely.
Also, why does everyone ask you if you have been to the doctors right after you tell them you're too dizzy to walk up the stairs??
To me going to the doctor about a cold or a flu is like getting a mechanic to change your tires.
I mean, that's probably something you can take care of yourself, right.
IDK, I don't drive or own a car. Going to the doctors at this point, for me, would involve traveling for at least 30 minutes, waiting at least 5-8 hours in a waiting room full of sicker people and less sicker people that I might infect with my current sickness, and I would rather spend that time in my bed, or at home, resting, doing as little as possible. Hoping that breathing will soon become easier.

I don't know why people have so little mercy for me, asking me to work when I already called in sick.
I have only called in sick about half a dozen times IN MY WHOLE ADULT LIFE to work, and that's over 15 years now.
Some people see me as so reliable, they just can't seem to believe it when something about me doesn't work. What people don't know is that I go around in immense pain and discomfort for as long as I can stand it, and still do everything I am supposed to do, but at certain point, it becomes to much. I'm getting too old to care about missing a few shifts. Life is worth more than money. I know God will provide what I need.
I feel guilty about being sick, yes, I should have taken more vitamins and stuff to avoid this, or not traveled with my mom or something, at the time, I thought I had no other choice. Now I am paying for my willingness to be near to others.
Being social makes you sick. I know that if you know me you are gonna think that I come into contact with many people as a cashier, but honestly, that's for about 2 minutes and I rarely have to touch them or allow them more than an arms length distance. The counter prevents close contact, so my job will never make me sick. It's extended time with people who have colds and stuff that want me to kiss their cheeks and hug them closely, that's what gets me sick! I do care about people, I always want to know about peoples lives and their thoughts and everything, I just don't want anyone to touch me or have to touch anyone.
I know I'll just get sick like I am now, and be sorry that I allowed anyone to touch me at all...


Roni said...

Actually you can get a virus from casual contact with someone, without touching them. Anything a person touched before you can transfer germs, then you come after them and touch the same thing and can get a cold. BUT, since you can only catch a certain virus once, your body becomes immune to that particular one. So really getting sick can prevent you from catching that bug again. :)

cindy psbm said...

But I have complimentary hand sanitizer at my workplace all the time, and use it often.
I forgot to bring some with me on the trip.