Thursday, March 29, 2012

Random thoughts

Hey, I've been sick, but I thought I should write something, keep the blog up.
Being sick makes my brain sort of go all slow-mo or something.
Sort of like a reboot on a computer when you start it again and don't have all the software that makes it run faster and have to re-download things.
So... I thought a day in my life might be interesting, I have been finding that not one person is reading the ordinary posts here, just the ones tagged as 'adoption' or whatever. Whatever, that's to be expected, I have only promoted this blog on the birth mom forum and an adoption blog conversation.
I've been thinking often about how I am truly the exception in many many places.
Often I feel very alien towards many of the common views people have about everything in life from the way people look to the way people react to life events or even the way people like the same things that I like.
I took one of those personality test that gives you letters for the type of personality you have and I am a ISTJ and what's weird about that is that I am sure that I took this test before and I was ISFJ but I guess, no, not really. I saw a site that explains what it means and when I read it I though ...hmmm... I'm just like my Daddy.
Which is kind of sad for me because he died 11 years ago yesterday. The day I was very sick. Mostly because my digestive system decided not to work for me or something. It was painful, but now I'm just kind of weak. It's a good thing I don't actually have to work today. Although I feel bad for not being able to work the small shift that I had yesterday, even though I couldn't really help that, well, maybe I could have avoided my nephew, from whom I obviously got the sickness from..
Anyways, my personality is just like my Dads and it seems to me that he might have been the only other person I have ever known to have the same personality as me. No wonder we argued, but often, more than not were more comfortable around each other than any of my other siblings.
I don't know if my siblings might share my personality type, but they might, or they might be more like my mom, who is the one with the ISFJ and not the ISTJ.
Which, BTW, mean Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging, or switch out the Feeling with Thinking for me.
Most of the profile made sense for me, but I doubt that many other people in the world have this kind of personality that I have, apparently I'm far far far too logical a person and almost the whole world that I come in contact with personally, or online, is more emotionally based and not at all logical.
I'm kind of a female Spock from StarTrek..
Which mean that people think I'm a terrible person because I don't go into hysterics at every turn of life that seems vaguely unfair or unexpected. Well, I might go into hysterics for little bit, but then, after that I form a rational plan for the unexpected events.
I also always think I'm always right, which is probably a bad thing if it weren't true, I mean, I'm usually right!!
No really, I am!! I know, you're thinking I think that just because I'm the type to really believe that I'm right about almost everything.
There have been times when I was horribly wrong, and I have felt terrible about those times and I fear admitting to being wrong because it might make all those times that I was right seem wrong too.
Kind of an all-or-nothing viewpoint. I mean, I would hope that people would understand that maybe I was wrong about a couple things, but right about so much more and more often and than not, right.
I think about my personality too much and I honestly worry about Parker, will he have my personality?
Is personality inheritable?? I feel like I inherited mine from my Daddy, and my mom wishes I was more like her, or something.
I wish my thoughts came out in a way that made more sense, but this is just a test post, to see if I get any page views, I'll probably scrap it when I think of something truly interesting to write.

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