Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Types of birth dads

Now, because I did for birth moms, and adoptive parents, I thought I'd make up at list of birth dads too.
I think I'm going to do more of this list things, they are kind of fun and I have even more ideas for stuff to make lists about but to finish of most of the adoption type lists. Well, people in adoption type lists (I might do a few others if I think of something new). I don't know much to say about birth dad, and most people don't even want to talk about them, but I'm gonna try anyways.

1) Deadbeat 'bio' dad
A birth father who hightails it out of the birth moms life at the first sign of trouble, or a positive pregnancy test. My opinion is that they are told to leave, shunned, and as an average guy, they don't know quite how to handle the extreme emotions they are feeling. Most birth moms, and people for that matter often think they don't care and don't want anything to do with the pregnancy, but often, they just don't know how to deal with how they feel, so they ditch the whole thing. Often they are guys that have been in loads of trouble before and have really low self-esteem which makes it sort of impossible for them to even have the courage to 'man-up' and take responsibility. In the past, these guys have learned that taking responsibility is often not in their best interest so they have a habit of doing whatever they can to disappear from any resemblance to actions that could be seen as admitting there is any kind of problem. They are often drug addicts and party goers who have very poor decision making skills, or any decision making skills.
An older man or authority figure in the birth moms life who has taken advantage of her and the result is pregnancy. Often this man actually tries to take control of the situation he created, to hide it somehow.
Often he is mostly successful, sadly enough he is often a family member, or the birth moms own father, or even a teacher or team leader of some sort. Being so powerful in the birth moms life, he uses his influence to hide his actions against the birth mom who feels shame and responsibility for HIS actions instead of holding him responsible. The only way this man is found out is usually by other family members/friends to whom his influence has a lesser effect.
The average boyfriend who actually tries to take responsibility for his and his girlfriends(re:birth mom) actions that have resulted in pregnancy. This is the rare guy who stays with his girlfriend, even hopes to parent their child, but is often discouraged by others, and even faces the same facts that his girlfriend does, that parenting might not be a good choice and that making an adoption plan could be a good choice. Often this boyfriend might stay with his girlfriend, even after placement, but the girlfriend is the one who breaks up with him because he reminds her of the emotional stress of placing her child, or vice versa.
This is the guy who actually tries very hard, and had every intention of being fully committed, but life and stress often get in the way of his good intentions.
Sometimes, or more often than you would think, a birth mom chooses to hide her pregnancy from the one who fathered it. She might do this for a variety of reasons, but the result remains the same. The birth dad is completely unaware of what has happened or why. Often though, but not always, some time after the adoption has taken place, maybe years, usually years, although sometimes months, he finds out the truth about what was hidden from him. When this happens, often he will try to obtain custody of his child and do his best to disrupt the adoption. This can lead to dozens of court battles and such, and rarely does it lead to him actually getting his child. Often a compromise is reached and either he gets to send money and/or resources to his child or participate in contact through the adoptive family.

This is all I can think of for now. I might add more late. Please comment if you are reading my blog.

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