Thursday, December 5, 2013

My 'Don't Care' is at 100%

It seems like everyone thinks that being part of a couple should be the main goal of your life, but I don't.
To me it's just way too much effort for pain and suffering.
Right now, as a unmarried woman, I am comfortable with my existence.

Each time I have been a part of a romantic relationship(with 2 males(different times, years apart), I am heterosexual) it has meant some exciting times, paired with the most devastating effects on my life ever.

Risking my life is no longer worth the trouble. Even though I dabble in online dating, even chatting up really interesting profiles, I know nothing will happen because I will make sure and shut it down before anything serious happens.

The fantasy of a good husband who has gentle sex with me and lets me read as much as I want while providing for some of my basic needs (shelter, food, etc) is just a fantasy.
In realty, all relationships have ever done is take away from all my basic needs and torture me with abuse.
I'm not anxious to open myself to abuse, I feel loved by God and that's more than enough love.

Honestly! I think all these weird stories of woman crying about being 'single' are stupid and annoying.
I'm not crying about being single, I never have and I never will. I cry about my dignity being stripped from me because a selfish man wants to make me feel bad because he feels stupid or weak.

Really I have better things to do than make a man feel good about himself at my expense.
Men have rarely make me feel good about myself, even if they have, they take it back and then some so any nice things they ever did for me are less than worthless.

My self esteem comes from my faith and my hope is in Jesus, the only one who really loves me completely. I mean, some people might think they honestly care about me, but they will never know me like the one who made my every cell and has my life in His total control.

I believe that as I continue to surrender to my Lord, the more freedom I will have and I will never need to seek out a male companion.

There may actually be a man out there who's supposed to be with me or to whom I would be a good companion, but that man is too lazy and stupid to find me, so it's his loss.

I'm good by myself. I don't care what others think anymore.
I really wish I could go back to my teenage self and tell her to stop caring what other people think because what they think is all worthless and isn't worth the effort of the worry.

I like enjoying my life doing whatever I want. I really don't want to do bad things.
Having the freedom to give to charity and to focus on loving the world of people that need love is better that loving a man who's supposed to love you and is probably just using you to fulfill his selfish wants and not caring a damn about your needs or anything.

1 comment:

April said...

Great post! I always expected to remain single and figured the man to marry me would have to find me because I wasn't going to look for him. And when he did find me it took a while to get accustomed to being cared for by someone else. I really didn't mind being an independent woman. I can't relate to people that think finding a mate should be the main goal of your life.