Tuesday, March 12, 2013

What I've learned from my favorite TV shows

I like many shows, but I do have certain favorites. Grimm, Amazing Race, Modern Family, Suburbia and Two Broke Girls to name a few and to say the least, the lives on the shows are not reality. Because reality would be really boring, or mostly boring.

What I learned from Grimm
-If you are in pain, break stuff. That wooden chair just behind you will break with just a squeeze of your hand. Just knock all those expensive vases down. All the glass will disappear in a jump cut 20 seconds or less later and only one guy will vaguely mention there being a 'mess'
- It's totally OK to make a mess because your mad or upset
- the best conversations happen while you are punching someone in the gut or otherwise kicking their asses. That's when you get to know all the important details.
- Don't worry about your injuries, even if you almost die you will pretty much all better by the next morning, if not the next jump cut. Maybe you'll have a few scratches and groan while holding your side and planning your next moves to take down the bad guys.
- Almost everyone is secretly a monster, even children and child monsters have no qualms about killing people if their feelings are hurt by some slight rejection.(I can't have the candy?! YOU WILL DIE NOW!!)
- Monsters only show their monster faces when they are really emotional, otherwise they look like humans and believe and act and live like your average next door neighbor.
- Everything you need to know is written by hand or in some thousand year old book. Although sometimes you can use the internet to find out what the bad guys look like in human form.
- Magic potions contain really gross stuff that changes color so you know there's magic in it.
- Night time is when most of the action happens, day time is for taking naps.
- You will always find the exact solution to your problem in about 3 days or less
- The bad guys are always planning to kill you, even if you think you've got them, more are always coming.

Now what I learned from Amazing Race

-People get tunnel vision and can't see the most obvious clues when they are hyped up on adrenaline
-The married couples never win because they can't stop fighting about every little stupid detail
-Brother and sister teams always win because they understand how to work together and usually sisters know that giving your brother the power to make most of the decisions usually makes him let you decide things.
-Twins are annoying and never win because they probably have depended on their charm to get them through life and the game is all about thinking for yourself, not charming the world.
-Road markers should be the hardest things to find and be the smallest signs possible so that all the people in the show waste time and energy running around looking for them while the jump cut make scary music to show that once again, the road marker was not seen and now the people are hopelessly lost
- Participants are so used to doing ridiculous things they will accidentally take food from a random resident of a foreign country and play with it while the man tries to tell them he doesn't know what the heck they are doing in his backyard
-Swearing is not allowed but barely bleeped and silly sayings and behavior will get you cut into the opening credits and previews.
-Some people give up before even trying and other people don't know when they should give up and still other people keep going even when they are horribly injured
-Phil will always be waiting for you. He's everywhere, like God. And I don't know how he gets to that mat and looks so calm, as though he's not really human
- The companion Phil has by his side at the mat will always be the most extreme representation of culture possible
- Phil is magic and always says the right thing to everyone and everyone always loves him when he raises an eyebrow.

That's all for now, I'll add more later.


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