Friday, August 31, 2012

Everything is temporary

I've often had this feeling in almost everything in my life is a passing thing, that nothing will remain for long.
Actually it's often a comfort when I feel stuck in certain situations. The fact that it will be over sometime, that it will be something I will forget soon, that they will forget soon.

I feel like I'm am part of minority that feels this way. I was thinking about how my lovely cat, Lucy, was owned before I adopted her from the shelter. She was surrendered only about a week before my mom and I happened to take a trip to the shelter, to donate a bird cage(nothing wrong with it, just that our 17 year old budgie died). We looked at the cats because the promotion to adopt a cat is almost irresistible, and obviously, I fell for it.
I sometimes wonder about who owned Lucy before she was my Lucy, she was ... least that's what the paper work said. I wonder if her previous owner thinks about the cat she lovingly surrendered at all.
I mean, Lucy was almost 2 years old when I adopted her, that means there's two years of time that could have been with just the one owner, or maybe more, I have no way of knowing.
I wonder if they thought that their ownership was temporary. It's unlikely, people often don't think about the future or how things they love currently will fit into their lives as they change.

Because everything is temporary,  the bed I sleep in will probably not be the bed I die in, if I die in a bed(which would be the best way to go..I hope).
I hope to live here, at my mom's house, for the foreseeable future, but I know that it isn't mine, and likely never will be, it's just the best place for me right now.

I have often felt that my place in anyone's life is always temporary.

To be honest, I often feel like I don't deserve anything I have, not even the things I 'earned' or my job.
I feel like I have usurped my position from someone else that would do it more justice than me, or would find more value in it than I do.

As a Christian, I was taught from an early age that life here, existence as I know it, it is temporary, and even more than that, it is but a small bump on the road to where I will truly belong, and be permanent in my existence as well.
All of life then is really only meant to be a small test, if I pass it, if I can humble myself and truly accept God and the truth, then I get to know real love and joy and stuff. If not, torment forever.
Honestly, I don't know if I should try and escape the torment, I probably deserve it, but because I know about God's love, and it has really got to me, I believe all the spiritual stuff, I really do.
It means, that for me, grace is something inescapable for me, it's gonna happen to me whether I want it to or not because my heart overrides my mind so much of the time!

I am not making sense, I meant to say that I wish that everyone could think more about how nothing they have will be their's forever, and stuff they had, other people had it, loved it, maybe more than they did, before they did and other people will love what you love after you, maybe more than you do. Do you follow?? 

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